


The Hungover Kroger's Run

by energeticMadwoman



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, F/F, F/M, M/M, This is completely self indulgent, Tumblr Prompt, basically if frozenpizza and marvel red team decided ya know what? lets bang, loki is sleeping through most of this tbh, why the hell not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 08:04:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7259293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/energeticMadwoman/pseuds/energeticMadwoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when you take five heroes (plus one sleepy villain) and put them in Kroger's at three o'clock in the morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hungover Kroger's Run

Pepper Pots had done a lot of questionable things in her life. However, this was probably one of the strangest. She had just pulled up to a 24 hour Kroger’s at three o’clock in the morning with a killer headache. Glancing to the shotgun seat, she gave an exasperated sigh to Matt Murdock, who simply offered her a sympathetic smile. He had really been the only one to not drink, and had very smugly reminded her of the benefits of that decision as they got dressed that morning. Glancing through her rearview mirror, Pepper could see the men that had created the source of her headache, (now bordering on a migraine) sitting in the middle row of her truck.

Peter had just turned twenty-one, and Tony had decided that they should celebrate this glorious occasion by getting blackout drunk. This was not the party night as you may suspect however, no this was the morning after. Peter, the man of the hour, sat in the left seat, with his face pale as death and brown aviator glasses covering at least half of his face. His fluffy hair had been run through too many times and Pepper was fairly sure that he had been thoroughly kissed by one of them at one point in the night, because they were swollen. 

Tony sat in the right seat, with an empty bottle of scotch in his hand and dark red sunglasses obscuring his eyes (Pepper was fairly sure they belonged to Matt). He was talking, which was to some extent, a good thing. However, his ‘talking’ was really Tony mumbling incoherently to himself and jotting numbers down on his hands with a purple pen he had found stashed in a cup holder. 

Wade, sat in the very back row wearing a black hoodie, hat, gloves, and just looking like a generally shady guy. He probably had one of the worst hangovers, seeing as he broke into Loki and Thor’s casket of Asgardian Mead. He made groaning noises each time they went over a bump on the drive to the store.

Wilson’s hands were wrapped around a passed out and female Loki, which really was a feat in itself. Pepper had watched Loki shift sometime during the night after he and Wade had put away most of the mead. When Pepper had asked her about it this morning she had simply grumbled and fallen back asleep in her position on Pepper’s chest. Loki’s raven hair was pulled into a messy bun and she was wearing Wade’s Hello Kitty kigarumi. They had put Wade in charge of taking care of her since he was the only one she could seem to tolerate this morning.

“Alright.” Pepper exclaimed. She pushed open her door and walked around to the back. “Come on guys, let’s go shopping.”

 ^----^ 

After a mildly tiring car exit, the group of six made their way to the cart racks in front of the Kroger’s. “Ok, everyone.” Matt started. “I’m sure you all feel like frozen hell right now, but Wade and Tony ate all of the snacks last night, and we’re not entirely sure what Tony did to Jarvis yet. So let’s get in here and get right out.” Pepper put a grateful kiss on Matt’s cheek as she pushed the cart into the store.

“Woah.” Tony exclaimed smartly, his chocolate eyes squinted behind his glasses. “Did we walk into heaven? Are we dead?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if we died sometime during last night, although I sure don’t think we’d be in heaven.” Peter replied groggily. The youngest man made his way to the cart, promptly climbing into it and stretching his legs over the side. 

“Come on Pep, shower me with snacks,” Peter joked.

Pepper gave him an incredulous look, “Peter Parker, what the hell are you doing?” Matt snorted somewhere off to her side. A voice inside of Pepper’s head questioned whether or not Peter had completely slept off the alcohol. She began the short walk to the snack aisle, her pink flip flops clacking against the tile floor. 

^-------^ 

“Peter, what does this even say?” She inquired about the shopping list. Peter’s (quite frankly horrendous) scribbly handwriting made it next to impossible to understand at least half of the words on the page. Thankfully, she could decipher most of it from years of reading Tony’s scrawled handwriting, but she simply couldn’t understand this one word. Funion? Fungus? She just didn’t know.

“Peter?” She asked again, but she heard no response. Instead, she heard Wade mouthing off to the said boy with swiftly rising annoyance.

“Why are you sitting in this godforsaken shopping cart, it’s not right give it to me let me sit in it- “

“No! It was my birthday; I should get to sit in the shopping cart- “

“Yeah? Well I have a sleeping goddess in my arms, and- don’t you ever repeat this to her I swear to Death- she is heavier than she looks- “

“Oh? Is the big bad Deadpool too weak to carry tall dark and beautiful now?”

“Oh, that is it-!”

“Boys!” Matt called, breaking up the argument. They startled a couple of other shoppers. “That’s enough!” Matt was using his lawyer voice. “Wade, go easy on Peter, he’s still drunk. Peter, give Wade the shopping cart before he drops Loki. 

Grumbling unhappily, Peter relinquished his position in the shopping cart.

^-------^ 

“Psst.”

“Pssssst”

“Pssssssssssst”

“Psssssssssssssssss- “

“What do you want Tony?” Matt grumbled. Stark was draped over his shoulders, more or less being dragged by Matt through the store. He hadn’t said anything relevant for the majority of the trip, so Matt tended to ignore him whenever he made annoying noises. Apparently, he meant business this time though.

“Matt, you know I love you right?”

“Yes, Tony I do. What is it?” He sighed.

“We should totally get those Spicy Cheetos, Matt.”

“Tony, we’re not going to get the Spicy Cheetos, they give you gas and Wade’s nose is still sensitive from his last injury.”

“But Wade’s nose is sensitive all the time-“

“No, Tony. I also don’t want to smell you, enhanced senses remember?”

“But, Matt- “

“If you get those Cheetos you are sleeping on the couch,” Matt finalized.

Tony left the Cheetos on the shelf. “What about the Spicy Fritos?”

^------^ 

Loki groaned, aches pulsing through her head. Where was she? Why was it so bright? The trickster moved her arm about, groping the area around her for any familiar feelings. What was the hard thing she was laying on? Had she fallen asleep on it-

“Those are HANDS, HANDS ON MY JUNK.” A voice exclaimed suddenly. Loki started, opening her eyes fully and swiveling to the voice- oh.

“Wade?” She questioned. “What am I- Where are we? What are you? -" She looked for the position of her hands, and sure enough, they were positioned right on Wade’s aforementioned –ahem- ‘junk’.

“Oh.” She mumbled. Gently, she removed them and snuggled tighter into his chest. She didn’t feel the need to apologize though. “Where are we?”

“We’re in Kroger’s sweetcheecks.”

“Kroger’s? What in the Nine is a Kroger’s?”

“It’s an all-day grocery store.”

“Why would one desire to work all day?”

Wade snorted down at her, “They take work shifts and change employees, babe. No one here works the entire twenty-four hours.”

“Ah, I understand.”

“But?”

“Why are we in a moving cart?”

“Oh! You’d be so proud of me for this. Okay, so me and Peter fought for cart custody- “

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another! I've just got a whole bunch of one-shots piled up on my laptop, so expect more! You can even request some if you'd like :)


End file.
